STEP BACK AND EVALUATE

It has been really long since I last posted here. I needed time to re evaluate my life and figure out what's really important. I have missed blogging and in my time away I have learned and grown a lot. I cant wait to share some of the articles I've been reading with you and some personal stories. I'm BACK!!! A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of(Luke 6:45, NIV). What is really inside will come spilling out for all to see when life puts the squeeze on us. My Mama often said, “What’s down in the well comes up in the bucket.” In other words, a crisis will usually reveal what is r eally inside our hearts. It is easy to do and say the right things when life is calm and everything is going right, but what we say and do when chaos hits and the pressure is on tends to paint a more accurate picture of who we really are. But what is the real deal? Who are we really? It is kind of like what I call sponge theology. Suppose you have five sponges lying on your kitchen counter. Each member of your family has been using a sponge to clean a different area of your home, but the sponges all look the same. You are curious about what was cleaned, but you can’t tell just by looking at the sponges since they all look the same. So what do you do? You squeeze each sponge to see what happens. When you squeeze the first sponge, brown cola comes pouring out. Someone must have cleaned the spilled drink in the kitchen with that sponge. Upon squeezing the second sponge, you see blue tub and tile cleaner oozing out of the sponge. Hmmm … someone must have used that particular sponge to clean the bathroom. The third sponge is truly disgusting. When you squeeze it, dirty motor oil pours out. You determine that your husband probably used that sponge to clean the garage. The fourth sponge produces a puff of baby powder when it is squeezed. The baby’s nursery was obviously cleaned with that sponge. Finally, the last sponge is dripping with floor wax, which tells you someone used that particular sponge to clean the recently waxed hall floor. As you lay the last sponge down, you look again at their similarity. They all look pretty much the same - until they are squeezed. We are a lot like sponges when it comes to our faith in God. We look and act as if God is the Lord of our lives. We do and say all the right things in front of all the right people in an effort to prove we are right with God. But what is really inside? What do our hearts really look like? When a crisis comes, and the pressures of life squeeze us mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually, what comes out? Do we respond to that difficult person in anger, or do our actions portray hearts filled with God’s patience and love? Does revenge spill out in ugly words to that person who has hurt us more times than we can count, or do we take a breath and remember how much God loves them and that hurt people really do tend to hurt people? Does the guilt of unresolved sin cause us to lash out in anger, or do we keep short books on our sin in order to keep the enemy from forming a toehold for anger in our own lives? Just like the sponge, we can only squeeze out what is put in. Fill your heart with the things of God. Stay in the Word each day. Read it … memorize it … share it. Saturate your life with His truths. Spend time with faith builders who will encourage you to be more like God and continually point you toward Him when you really want to walk in the opposite direction. Seek God and His plan for your life. Be willing to abandon your plan for His. And continually pray about everything – no matter how small the matter may be. If it is important to you, it is important to Him. Then … when life puts the squeeze on you … and it will, the very nature of God will come pouring out. Thank you for reading and I hope you are inspired to live your life as a witness.

SAY NO TO DISRESPECT

Happy Tuesday everyone, Last year I shared quite a number of messages from the book 'BOUNDARIES' you can check them out here. One of my favorite is this one; it's about respect,stop making excuses for the people in your life and their unacceptable behavior. It may be an issue with your life partner, a family member or a friend, learn to set boundaries and don't let anyone disrespect you.

Respect is a necessary element for any couple to grow in love. Each person needs to feel that they are respected by the person they are getting to know. This involves creating boundaries in dating where both parties have esteem or regard for all aspects of the other. Respect is different from empathy, though any relationship needs both to be hand-in-hand.

Empathy is the ability to feel another’s experience, especially painful ones. Respect is the ability to value another’s experience. You may not be able to actually empathize with someone, but you can always take a position of respect for them. For example, a guy may restrain himself from pushing his girlfriend sexually for either reason. He may feel deep compassion for the dilemma he is putting her in. Or he may restrain himself because he respects her right to make her own moral decisions. Relationships develop best when both empathy and respect are in place.

When respect is present, the other person feels that he can be free to be who he is. He can be honest, and still feel connected and safe. He doesn't worry that he will be attacked, humiliated, or treated poorly. When respect is absent, many people will find themselves controlled, neglected, or injured by someone who doesn't care about their needs or feelings.

If you desire to be respected, you are not asking to be treated special. Respect is not worship. It has more to do with being treated as you would like to be treated, which is Jesus’ Golden Rule (see Matthew 7:12). It means things like the following:

• Your opinion is heard and valued.
• Your differences and disagreeing are validated.
• Your choices are esteemed, even the wrong ones.
• Your feelings are regarded.
• When you are wrong, you are confronted respectfully, not talked down to nor babied.

Disrespect flourishes when someone values their own desires above their date’s. They may not be actively trying to hurt the other. Instead, the other person’s feelings, freedom, or needs get trampled or ignored because of how intent their date is on having their own way. Disrespect tends to be more self-centered than malicious in nature, though that does occur also.

Building boundaries in dating situations means that a couple needs to know that their feelings, needs, and freedom are respected. When someone is uncomfortable in a sexual situation, or is hurt by a sarcastic remark, or becomes angry with a broken promise, that is a signal that something is going on. The other person needs to take those feelings seriously. The couple needs to talk about what triggered this, and solve the problem.

Disrespect may come out in several ways, and it usually involves some violation of freedom in one of seven ways:

1. Dominating: The other person won’t hear “no” from her date. When he disagrees, she intimidates, threatens, or rages. She is offended by her date’s freedom to choose. For example, a woman may want her boyfriend to spend lots of time with her. When he tells her he’d prefer to do other things, she may disrespect his freedom by becoming angry and telling him their relationship will be jeopardized.

2. Withdrawal: One person pulls away when the other exercises some freedom or difference. He may isolate, sulk, or be silent. But he is passively punishing his date for her differentness. For example, a woman might want to go out with the girls on a night that her boyfriend wants to be with her. While he doesn't complain, he also doesn't call or talk to her for a while. He is showing her that he doesn't respect her freedom.

3. Manipulating: One person shows disrespect by subtle stratagems designed to make the other person change his mind. A woman may cry or nag to get her boyfriend to help her paint her apartment when he doesn't have the time.

4. Direct violation: The person disrespects by continuing the same hurtful action, even after being asked not to. A man might chronically cancel dates at the last moment. Even though she tells him how much this bothers her, he keeps doing it.

5. Minimizing: One person says the other person’s negative feelings are simply an overreaction.

6. Blaming: A man talks about a problem, but the woman indicates that he himself caused the problem. For example, a man will tell his girlfriend that it hurts when she makes fun of him in public. She might respond with, “If you would pay more attention to me, I wouldn't have to resort to that.”

7. Rationalizing: The other person denies responsibility for whatever caused the problem. For example, the chronically late date excuses the hurt his girlfriend feels by saying, “I understand your feelings, but it was the freeway traffic, not me.”

Respecting someone doesn't mean that you agree with them. Nor does it mean that you will comply with what they want. It means that their feelings matter because those emotions belong to a person who matters. Listen to, understand, and try to help the situation.

If your feelings, time, opinion, or values are not being respected, you need to take some sort of action. You may need to end your silence and bring up the issue. You may need to bring it up as a serious issue, not to be put off. You may need to set consequences on the event happening again. That’s what boundaries in dating is all about.

I knew a woman whose date was always having fun at her expense when they went out with friends. Finally, she started driving a separate car to the events so that she could leave when he got disrespectful. It took only a few occurrences of this for him to see that she was serious, and things got better.

Thank you for reading.

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